Day 4 Silence the Mind

“Cavatina already feels like music that gets to the places other works could never reach. Beethoven was fully deaf by now and seems to be pushing at the boundaries of what can be expressed through music - what can be heard.”

— Year of Wonder by Clemency Burton-Hill in describing Beethoven's Cavatina

Silence can leave some feeling rather uncomfortable. We speak in terms of pregnant pause when a silence is prolonged. So used to sound and language, we expect spaces to be filled in ways that activate “thinking.” Listening to music can be a very different experience, I can feel enveloped, transported, swept away.

Day 5 within Burton-Hill’s year of classical musical introduced me to Beethoven’s Cavatini which she described as pushing at the boundaries of what can be expressed or heard. This idea of “beyond” reminds me of Henri Corbin’s mundus imaginalis - the imaginal realm, a realm of imagination, inspiration and creativity. Some posit that from artists’ experiences within this transcendent imaginal realm, they bring back images, words, and music that the world needs to hear.

Our capacity to experience transcendence is related to our ability to still our mind - be still, being still. Changing behaviors isn’t about knowing, it’s about being. I ‘ve read many diet and exercise books - I understand the science so my challenges with consistency and discipline aren’t related to knowledge, it’s something deeper. Today, I’m reflecting on what it means to transform behavior into a habit, a way of being. How is intention around and the practice of stilling our mind facilitative of transformation? I have far more questions than answers except that I firmly believe creativity is generative - the world is changed through creative practice. I am changed through creative practice.

Image Source: Photo by Martin Adams on Unsplash

Quote source: link to amazon.com. Playlist to accompany Year of Wonder available on Spotify

Day 2 Activating Habits

Day 2 hitting the gym for a cardio workout. I awoke feeling tired, wasn’t motivated, started the rationalization process for just not going. “It’s Sunday” I said… Historically I haven’t worked out on Sunday which was reserved for church, lunch, and often a nap on the couch. Instead of succumbing to these thoughts, I thought of why I should go to the gym:

1. I am a person who works out. Trying on the identity of being someone who works out is actually helpful in the way my brain was tricked into thinking - oh yea, a person who works out. This mental trickery got me to the truck long enough to drive to the gym.

2. Creating space - going to a dedicated space where working out occurs is a practical way to trigger the actions of working out. When I walked into the gym I knew what to do.

3. The Social - oh yes, after almost two years of no longer traveling for work, I need to be around people. Additionally - at the gym, I’m around people who are working out, enacting the behaviors I need to enact.

Could I have simply taken a walk? Sure. But I need to do those behaviors that will activate my memory and habits of being a person who works out. Day 2 - get it done!

Day 1 Set your intention

In October 2021, I was in the best shape ever. Not traveling during pandemic, meant that I ate home cooking, and had plenty of time for the gym. One of the many things I realized after March 13, 2020 (the day we went completely virtual) was that the coming and going of traveling for work had fatigued my body to the point of exhaustion. I was tired and didn’t even know it. Later into 2020, I realized that the coming and going also meant that I did not do things because I was in this don’t start something that you cannot finish mode. This mode affected eating well and exercise too.

By the time I hit 2021 I was in great shape, in the gym regularly - emphasis on regularity - I lost 10 pounds, and felt amazing. I’m not in a place yet to speak about hubster’s health issues but let’s just say that we were sucker punched in mid-2021 with health news that left me ship wrecked. I vacillated between feeling like I was on solid ground and struggling in quick sand….and this is where the irregularity of workouts began. I maintained fairly well until October 2021 and then I crashed big time - just hit a concrete wall and could not motivate myself to get in the gym. Sigh.

I wish I could say this was a one time occurrence - but as I reflect, this sort of go strong and then hit a wall is a repeating pattern. I offer this not to induce a woe is her sort of feeling but to acknowledge what I suspect is something that others experience too. I get it. Going strong and then bam. Life happens. What I don’t understand about myself is that if you give me a project I’m full throttle until the “vision” is made into fruition. But when it comes to my own self care, I can derail, experience setbacks, etc. It’s what I realized here lately is a sort of self destructive pattern that isn’t good for me. My spiritual and intellectual life is so intertwined with my physical being….the gym being where I talk to God and experience solace.

So 2022, I set my intention toward getting back in shape and trying to figure out this pattern and the ways it influences my life. Today is the first day - I don’t know that I have the self care or discipline to post every day but here we go. If you struggle with self care - please drop me a line. I’m learning as I go.

Blessings,

Alicia

Image Source: https://unsplash.com/@helloimnik